What about "homo-emotional" relationships for Christians?

“After reading these blogs I had to speak up. I’m amazed at how many people read the bible and make assumptions. As a black same gender loving person, when I read the bible about homosexuality, it refers to anal penetration ONLY. I like the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible in Romans 1 when it talks about men and women leaving NATURAL INTERCOURSE. That’s the real meaning behind all these “homosexual” passages. This refers to gay and straight people. This passage in I Cor refers to all people gay and straight. Men-Men,Women-Women, AND Men-Women who perform anal intercourse are condemned. Not a deadly sin but with anything ask for forgiveness. God told me through a prophetic person that I was saved and this is what he meant. He did not mean for that part of our body to be penetrated. As a black gay man, I don’t do penetration. I believe in the spiritual, emotional, and physical love for another which is what to me being gay is all about not about a sex act.”

The above is from a commenter “jysuper”. Jysuper, thanks for this comment. I won’t fault you for speaking up. You bring up a point which seems to be another unresolved issue with some gay christians.  I hope you dont mind me elevating this to post status to allow for a fuller discussion. You are welcome to defend your beliefs biblically, if that is possible.

It does seem you are already contradicting yourself. By eschewing “penetration”, but saying that you believe in “physical” love for another [male] you are creating an impasse for yourself unless you can clarify. You further state that being homosexual “is not about a sex act.” Sounds like more contradiction based on your support of  being “physical” with someone of the same gender.  And…we dont want a lesson on homosexual sex.  Please clear this up.

To others, the question on the table is can a Christian (see this discussion about what that means) have “spiritual, emotional and physical” bonding with one of the same gender and be justified Biblically? From our perspective, homosexuality in any form is sinful, but for the sake of fleshing out that perspective, what are your thoughts?


27 thoughts on “What about "homo-emotional" relationships for Christians?

  1. Neil I guess I should have been a bit clearer, these are not platonic homo-emotional relationships. These relationships (as defined by the commenter) constitute anything but “penetration”

    His point is that since penetration is wrong, then anything except that is ok.

    But is it?

  2. Oh snap….this person is really deceived. Hate to get on my soap box, but I’m going there: God made Adam and Eve…not Adam, Eve, and a choice. I guess this person feels that since he does not do “sexual”, it is okay…

    GCMW: Now, Leidell…you get an official slap on the wrist for that ‘Adam and Eve’ comment. You probably didnt get the memo, but we retired that phrase. With 66 books at our disposal, I know the saints can do better. 🙂

  3. Well i believe that there is a quote in the bible “For God so loved the world, that he sent his only begotten son, whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

  4. In my humble opinion, it would be difficult to have a strong (almost) homo-emotional relationship with someone of the same sex and it NOT be constituted as pure homosexuality. Penetration is almost a non-point at that stage – the act has already occured in the mind. Again, just my opinion.

    To me, this is yet another example of what happens when we eisegete the bible instead of exegeting it.

    God’s Word is true. Period. While WE may not have said things the way He said them, the fact remains that He is God – and He either said it or inspired it to be said.

  5. Speaking Truth, your comment sparked something I had been contemplating in regard to this rather strange relational arrangement.

    Here’s what Jesus said in Matt 5:28
    “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

    I find it strange to say the least that one man would be in a emotionally invested relationship with another and say we dont have sex because its a sin. For a person who claims to be a Christian it would:

    1. be tempting the Lord. That is we put ourselves in situations that we KNOW could result in evil presuming that God will save us. Matt 4:7
    2. be a facsimile of evil which Christians are told to abstain from. Others would assume the two are having sexual by the close ungodly association. 1 Thess 5:22
    3. be according to Matt 5:28 the same as committing the act. We’ll use a little no man can take fire into his bosom and not be burnt theory on that.

    This is the kind of liberal trickery that the devil will certainly cause to backfire on a person.

  6. I’ll try not to make this long. In in my earlier days when I first started preaching I used to rail hard against homosexuality, and I still do, but I needed to make that point to show how profound Gods word is, and how He’ll make simple things plain. Now mind you, I’ve never been Gay, never desired a man or anything like that. But at this particular time in my life pornagraphy had a major strong hold on me. I basically lived for it. Well if anyone knows anything about porno, 99.9 percent of men who watch it masturbate (I hope I’m not in violation saying the M word). Anyway, THIS WAS MY LIFE. I knew in my heart of hearts I WAS A WALKING CONTRADICTION, but i was helpless. But I continued to preach and rail against homosexuality. One day in prayer after feeling the guilt of my sin, God said something that so radical to my thinking that it shocked me to tears. I heard a quite still voice say YOU NEED TO REPENT OF THE SIN OF HOMOSEXUALITY. To make a long story short, the Holy Spirit brought to my mind,

    Isaiah 55:8 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.

    God revealed that from where HE SAT, Him watching me have SEX WITH MYSELF, WAS SAME SEX…SEX to HIM. A man touching a man in any kind of sexual way is H-0-M-0-S-E-X-U-A-L-I-T-Y. Even if it’s yourself!!! This was over 6 years ago, and I haven’t looked back since.

    To our friend jysuper please stop looking for loop holes in the word. You can’t practice law with God. You’ll lose the case everytime. Just remember jysuper,

    Proverbs 16:2525 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.

    Ask God to help you see it from where He sits. God Bless

  7. Good Morning GMCwatch,

    OK, I receive that wrist slap in love (smile). It just amazes me…then again it should not surprise us believers of what is going on.

    Take care and God bless,

  8. Wow! What a response! I didn’t expect this. I’m not on here a whole lot. I have been misunderstood in these blogs but it’s ok. One thing that I don’t do with the Bible is make up something and then try to prove the Bible wrong. My comments and beliefs are based on the bible. I’m not the only one with the opinion that I’m about to give. When I read the bible, God does not condemn gay orientation and certain behaviors just acertain behavior(sodomy). gaysandslaves.com and purplepew.com and countless religious figures believe this. God condemn people in the bible for a certain act. God told me through the Spirit that I’mfine as long as I don’t act on what he said he says is wrong. I know this won’t be received on this site but I’m at peace with myself and with God.

  9. jysuper,

    I need some clarification. Do you mean that someone with Homosexual desires is OK as long as they don’t “act” upon it? Or are you implying that it’s ok to do EVERYTHING else except penetration? Your confusing me. It’s one thing if someone is a Christian and they struggle with sin and don’t act upon it. Its entirely another thing if your implying that if it feels good do it “except” for penetration. Clarify yourself for me.


  10. Kyle that left me scratching my head too. It just doesnt make sense.

    Especially jysuper says “One thing that I don’t do with the Bible is make up something and then try to prove the Bible wrong. My comments and beliefs are based on the bible.”

    I looked all over his comments but I didnt see one single scripture to support what he was saying.

    I hope he can “clear” this up, but Im sensing its a lost cause.

  11. More hate as usual and the all-to-familiar usage of scripture to ENSLAVE gay people. Let me set the record straight as someone who is gay and not pretending to be delivered as sooooo many are. I have always been gay, my brothers (all 9 can confirm this) I’ve fought to try to change it, even hated it, but to no avail. I am gay and thats the bottom line. It can not be changed. Any one who says it can is LYING — Im sorry to be so pointed but enough of the denial “simply to fit into socety”. I wont play games with Black women’s lives just so that I may ‘FIT IN’ — not going to happen EVER. And by the way, I grew up in the church, and I still love God, and I am admittedly ANGRY with YOU ALL who continue to DECEVIE other gay people into thinking that can be CHANGED. This blatant dishonesty is so aggrivating.

    So Bible Thumpers ( who I am sure are dellusional in that they forget their sins). How do I respond when in ALL HONESTY, my body and mind are physically attracted to other men I CAN NOT love a woman, as I am authentically homosexual. I have been in LOVE not LUST (I am educated enough to differentiate betwen the two) and when that love ended, I was as heart broken as a female friend when her relationship with her man terminated (for what ever reasons).

    I encourage you to look at the data regarding homosexuality from the American Psychological Association ( Or do you discount them as heretics as well?)

    GCMW: Tony welcome to GCM Watch. Perhaps Im wrong, but your remarks sound like an angry man who has no one to listen to him. We’ll allow you a venting moment. Please understand this is a biblical oriented site, so the APA has no bearing here. The APA is not a heretic, that term is only applied to people who claim to be Christian, but pervert essential doctrines of the faith. The reason APA arguments are useless here is the same if you were on an APA forum trying to argue biblical concepts. It just wouldnt fit, would it? To use a cliche, when in Rome… You asked what our response would be if they found there was a gay gene. Homosexuality is a sin and you need to repent and give your life to Jesus Christ. That would be our response without hesitation.

    Now, if you are going to comment here, try to calm down and present arguments based on the posts and keep ranting to a minimum. If you dont want to discuss scripture, you may want to move on.

  12. GCMW, admittedly I am angry – I absolutely declare that. How could I not be when Gay people are being systematically attacked and encourage to not be honest about their sexuality.

    I see you would still CONDEMM gays if (more likely when) modern science isolates difinitivly the gay gene. If such a scientific breakthrough occurs ( I believe science is not far off) this would imply what I all ready know sir, that I was born gay (sorta jacked up huh?) But such is my reality. In order to remain sane and a proper functioning member of society I MUST accept the REALITY of my existence and not delute myself to believe what I want to believe or pretend to be delivered for fear of ETERNAL, PERPETUAL, HELLFIRE burning. By the way, If we are made in the ‘Image and likeness of God” how could god ETERNALLY, PERPETUALLY burn a human being? That sounds way outside of the scope of LOVE to me.

    Thanks for the forum, even though I significantly disagree with most of your positions. Nonetheless, at least somebody is opening up dialogue on sexuality even if its slanted for your purposes sir.

  13. Well Tony I would suggest that if you feel that strongly about your being born gay which of course effectively allows you to get around what the Bible says, then you should start your own blog. You have a right to be angry but I see no productivity coming out of that. Maybe you do.

    Not only do I believe 100% what I say here, I argue my point of view passionately and I can appreciate someone who does the same, even if our views are polar opposites.

    All of the questions you have asked so far have been answered in detail here but unfortunately you cant get around hating this site so much you wont read it. So Im not going to go around those circles over and over.

    I may or may not release your other comments. It depends on if you feel like you want to converse as opposed to starting out every comment about how this is a hate site.
    Cheers! 🙂

  14. Tony,

    There are a couple important considerations of the “gay gene” issue.

    First, and most importantly, even if they discover a “gay gene,” or even genetic predispositions to be gay/bi/transgender/etc., that would not change the morality of the behavior. Some people have a predisposition to alcoholism, but that wouldn’t make the behavior acceptable.

    Second, if they do discover such a thing and could identify it before birth I’m sure that most parents would have abortions. Personally I think that would be a bad thing, because we should not crush and dismember innocent human beings for any reason. I’m on record for opposing any abortions for gay or potentially gay unborn human beings, and I wish more pro-legalized-abortion folks would do the same.

    I believe that change is possible but I will also concede that it may be extremely difficult. In the mean time, my counsel to anyone with un-Biblical desires is not to act on them. It always works out for the best.

    You bring up a broad question on the concept of Hell. Hell doesn’t apply only to practicing gays, of course. We all commit countless non-sexual sins that put us at odds with God. But if we trust in Jesus Christ then our sins are “transferred” to his account and his perfect righteousness is imputed to our account.


  15. Neil,

    I’d like to first start off by saying I was refreshed by the tone of your reply. It definately felt like the love of God personified. Even though we disagree in strides – I know you love God and you dont seem to spew the nasteee venom that has caused me many a years of anquish. Here is the real deal from my perspective. I believe with all of my heart the ways of God are higher than my own — and contary to what it may sound like , if such a thing called “Authentic Deliverance” were trully possible, I’d really be so shouting all over my house — I mean I was born gay always having this attraction to guys while intellectually understanding “Hey man what the heck is going on here, this is a very strange thing to be same-sex attracted”. I want kids but I dont dare pose the issue because I wouldnt want my son/daughter to be so brutually attacked because dad is perceived as a “homo” pardon my language (gcmwatch).

    I have prayed like many other gays that this nuisance of perceptually aburrent sexuality would be removed from — to know avail — so how can I conclude anything other than it is the will of God for me?

    Imagine my double-sided torment, from the Christian religious establishment and this inward struggle to figure out why I had to be gay.

    Thanks again for the forum

  16. Hi Tony,

    Your reasoned response made my day. It is always refreshing to be able to discuss controversial and personal issues without things getting ugly! Blessings to you.

    Some rambling thoughts . . .

    I’d be the first to concede that many un-Christian and unkind things have been done and said to gays. And I can see how gays might look at the easy divorce and heterosexual promiscuity in the church and ask why they are getting picked on (my solution is to get back to the Bible on all those topics!). I don’t have easy answers for tough questions such as why you have always felt that attraction, and I can see that you have been wounded many times, which is sad.

    Blogging is a “safe” place to address these issues and have candid discussions. When I meet gay people in person I don’t focus on their sexuality any more than I would immediately preach to a heterosexual person living with someone outside of marriage. I try to focus on the relationship and the opportunity to share the truth of the Gospel with them. As I mentioned before, we’ve all got plenty of non-sexual sins to convict us of our need for a Savior! I just truly believe the Bible is the word of God and warns that these behaviors will bring physical, emotional and spiritual damage and I want people to avoid that if possible.

    I think some of the theological liberals may have started with good intentions but they are giving people salt water. It may seem good at first, but in the end it kills.

    Sadly, churches treat the gay issue sort of like they do abortion and get it wrong in all directions, either (1) ignoring it, (2) saying it is OK (so the people who need help and healing don’t receive it) or (3) saying / implying that it is unforgivable (so those who need help and healing won’t walk through the doors).

    I wonder if many churches have ministries to nurture same-sex friendships (non-sexual) and other things to help gay people who want to change or at least have people help them avoid temptations. GCMWatch, do you know of any programs like this?

  17. Hey Tony,

    As a saved, sanctified, Holy Ghost filled person let me start by saying that you were not born “this” way in regards to homosexuality. However, You, I, Pastor Foster and every one else was born inherently evil. Our fleshly selves manifest sin in different ways. Homosexuality is just ONE of many manifestations. I can attest in my own life the thoughts and desires that have run through my mind I would never admit to anyone. That being said I never said, ” I guess I’m this or that because of feelings”. I always said, ” I am so wicked”. From there I constantly prayed for the Lord to give me a clean mind and a new heart. I asked the Lord to change me into his likeness and to be more like Christ. Tony, let me tell you it’s not easy. But I got great news! After YEARS of various struggles Jesus is slowly and methodically changing my thoughts, behaviors, and direction. Tony, any struggle is difficult but giving in will not satisfy you. It may satisfy your flesh and it may even feel like a sigh of relief to just give in. But I must say that you need to press towards the mark even if it drives you mad. Makes you cry. If it runs contrary to your thoughts and desires you must understand that it is the Lord Jesus standard we need to look to and not our fleshly one. It hurts. It takes time. But trust me your “present” struggle will not last. It may take years. God can deliver us from things in an instant but rarely does. He wants us to grow and mature. This takes time. You may have to pray and pray and wail and cry and suffer for even years brother. But trust God you WILL be delivered and you WILL understand why you had to be delivered of this via a long hard struggle. It is only after you are on the other side of the mountain that you actually appreciate the time and what seemed to be torment. It’s not however. Once you have been completely delivered you will appreciate and thank God for the burdensome time it took. You will look back and be more grateful for the deliverance. The road is long and burdensome but keep your eyes focused on Jesus and be prepared for a long journey. Continue to pray for deliverance daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. Your victory awaits you, press towards the mark.

  18. “I wonder if many churches have ministries to nurture same-sex friendships (non-sexual) and other things to help gay people who want to change or at least have people help them avoid temptations. GCMWatch, do you know of any programs like this?”

    Neil, great question. No, I dont know of any specifically, hence perhaps the greater problem. Churches seem to view this not as a ministry but an “issue” i.e. gay mariage, etc. Dealing with the soul of a person canot have political overtones. To me that is to “make them straight” but neglect dealing with al the isues of their hearts (like Tony said) which is what is most important.

  19. Thanks guys! I have looked over all these comments and think, “Wow, that was me making that original comment.” I have ceased having physical sexual contact with men (not attracted to women). I still have issues with porn, masturbation, lust, and fantasies. With God’s help, that will go too. Just pray for me.

  20. Well jysuper see you were a little bit wrong, we dont agree lock step on every little point, but you have been a blessing to this site. Thanks. 🙂

  21. You’re right about that 🙂 We don’t agree on every point but that’s cool. I really mean this. I love people with same sex attractions more that when I was acting on my physical desires. Referring to my friend who is a minister at the Vision Church in Atlanta, he stood up in front of my home church when I was in college one Sunday in Norfolk,VA and said he was strugging with same sex attractions. I was shocked man there were 500 people there. Instead of the church embracing the sinner and not the sin, they condemned the sin and the sinner. That has always stuck with me. Now he thinks that identity is who he is. The church has a long way to go in this area. He has invited to his church next year in Atlanta. If I do go, I look at these first and foremost at people created in the image of God not sex objects. I’m not as bold as you in declaring this a sin in front of people.

    I just believe these people need to be shown the truth in love as in Ephesians 4:15.

    God Bless and blessings to you as well.

  22. Jysuper, I have been to a gay church twice since I have been out of homosexuality. Well three if you count Tabernacle.

    The first two times it was so I wouldnt “judge” them without having seen first hand what they are all about.
    Tabernacle was to declare my testimony which I did.

    A caution: if you are not at a place where you can lead someone out, you place yourself at risk for being ensnared. Even Jesus refused to “tempt” God by doing something out of presumptousness.

  23. It’s true that the bible only refers to same-sex, well… sex (at least the ones I’ve read (CEV, NIV, KJV…)

    The trouble is the Church has twisted the bible to much.

    It is, by the way, important to make a distinction between love and lust. If two same-sex people can’t have a celibate boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend relationship 😉 without commiting sexual sin, then neither can people have boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, as they wouldn’t be married.

    Just my two cents *melts into the background of cyberspace*

  24. I love how we say “speak the truth in love” but fail to remember that “love rejoices in the truth.”

    It is important to remember that the nature of homosexuality is the sin itself, regardless of love or lust being involved. Yes, to lust in your heart, you have already comitted sin. But God rejects homosexual relationships, period. If a woman is in love with and committed to another woman, God rejects this. If a man is in love with and committed to another man, God rejects this. The reason the bible does not talk about how to act in homosexual relationships is because the relationship itself is an abomination. God does not instruct us how to function in sin and become better at it. That’s like saying, “God , teach me to lie in a way that is pleasing to You.”

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