Open forum VI: Re-sexing question

I hope this isnt a brain buster, but I really like to know your thoughts on it.

My wife and I were watching a show (cant remember what it was) and a man and his wife got divorced but kept having sex even after they were divorced. Then they each got remarried to other people and quit having sex with other.

Weird I know. My first reaction was to laugh like crazy! But then we started talking about whether this was wrong in some way. They were divorced so technically wouldnt that make their continued sexual activity fornication? What do you think?

If you dont want to talk about that, feel free to opine about whatever else is on your mind.

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17 thoughts on “Open forum VI: Re-sexing question

  1. GCM, this is a very good question. Ironically, I had this same conversation with a girlfriend of mine in which she has a relative that is in precisely this predicament. The woman called to ask my friend on her input. My friend drew blanks, as did I, as she shared this with me.

    I would be interested in hearing the responses on this one.

  2. So if there was no biblical warrant for the divorce, was their divorce valid? If not valid, then continued sex is not problem and then you have to ask why the divorce – why divorce someone and keep having sex with them? Once they remarried, did they not become adulters at first? After remarriage the divorce becomes valid. This could get really convoluted!

  3. Glenn, I just picked up on it from the “got divorced” part.

    All your questions are making my head spin. 🙂

    Im assuming this was not a Christian couple. Then again some “Christians” are doing some of every thing. Maybe it was like an ex-spouse with benefits arrangement.

  4. Whether or not the divorce was legitimate in the view of the Bible, I would say that the marriage was legally dissolved, and therefore they were fornicating. I don’t really have a Scripture to base it on, except that extra-marital sex is forbidden, and in my opinion a legal (though Biblically wrong) divorce is still a divorce. Thinking of the passage (in 1 or 2 Corinthians) on a non-Christian divorcing a Christian — in that case, the Christian is to remain unmarried and chaste, which seems to me that though the marriage was legally broken, God still considered the Christian bound by his or her oath of marriage, so s/he was not free to be married to another, nor to have sex outside of marriage. It is not explicitly said that sex with the ex-spouse is forbidden, but it would almost certainly be so, since the marriage was dissolved.

  5. To my brothers and sisters – it is suprising to me how many Christians do not know what to believe. I would like to share with you in love what the Scripture say and try to be brief as possible.
    1. Marriage according to the Bible is between one man and one women. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife:” (Gen. 2:24) – original command of God.
    2. “For the women which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he livith; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.” (Rom. 7:2)
    3. Divorce is a piece of paper legalized by the law of the land. Marriage is one man and one women who are faithful to one another until one or the other passes away (according to the Bible and the command of God).
    The fact they continued to have sex is inconsequential – as far as God is concerned they are still married. Now when they re-marry to another – now they are an adulturous according to Rom. 3:3.
    Finally what God has put together let no man put assunder (Matt. 19:6).
    Further the reason for their so-called divorce is another inconsequential point (considering this is their first marriage) according to they Bible they are still husband and wife until one passes away. That’s Bible. The major fault with organized religion and charismatic churches today is the onslaught of getting away for Bible truth. Hope this help and please engage me – I love spreading the truth of the – Jn. 8:32

  6. Well, in my understanding of God’s Word, any sexual activity outside of God-ordained marriage is sin. This includes masturbation, lustful fantasies, pornography use, etc. Of course, I believe in extremely limited circumstances (adultery, desertion of a Christian by an unbelieving spouse, and severe abuse) divorce can be considered as an absolutely last option, if both parties are willing to submit to it and realize that they cannot be reconciled with one another after if they do remarry. It is best to understand that Christ may yet repair a broken marriage when WE think He may not, so if at all possible separation, counseling, and much prayer should be encouraged before divorce is even considered as an option. After this, I believe the innocent spouse is free to remarry, as long as they do so “in Christ.”

  7. I can appreciate, and I do thank you personally, for bringing forward these scriptures. This is in an interesting case study, though it would have helped if it was noted here whether one, some or all within this scenario were Christians.

    The question I have is concerns marital infidelity (specific situation where both spouses marry for the VERY FIRST TIME, then one of them stray into an extra-marital affair). The bible makes specific mention for divorce for such a case. So, for my personal clarity of your point, do you not recognize divorce in the face of infidelity as I described here?

  8. Pastor Durden, Sr.,

    One point that was overlooked in your reply was 1)What was the basis for their divorce? Pastor Foster did not mention that in his initial questioning. I agree with you (and of course, the Bible) in that a man/woman is not bound to one another after the death of that spouse, however, Jesus himself gave the reason of sexual immorality as a justification to divorce w/o the judgement of being an adulterer upon remarriage (Matt 19:9).

    Then Paul stated that if an unbeliever is to stay w/ a beliver in marriage, then good–don’t divorce. If that unbeliever were to leave the marriage, then that’s ok, too (so if you were to marry an unbeliever–an entirely different issue altogether– or you became a believer in the midst of a marriage). In this situation, the choice rests in the hands of the unbeliever, not the believer (1 Cor. 7).

    Ok, so on the premises above, if a couple are still engaging in sex after “legal divorce,” they are still married if their divorce was based upon anything other than sexual immorality or the unbeliever leaving the marriage. As for the issue of death, I believe that nullifies their ability to have sex, so that’s not even debatable.

    Therefore, it is very consequential as to the reason for the divorce, which will dictate how the believer should consider future relationships.

  9. I still think it is something wrong with continuing to have sex after you have been legally divorced. I cant quite put my finger on it, but it just doesnt sound right. Its kinda like have your cake and eat it too. (npi)

  10. Interesting thread. I’d like to throw out a few points to the discussion. Here’s a thought – the scripture DOES say “what God has put together let no man put assunder (Matt. 19:6)”, but if God didn’t put it together… do you see where I’m going. If God didn’t put it together, is it really going to stand.
    Also, the Bible does say, in Matthew 5:32 “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.” My understanding of this verse is, if one of the spouses is unfaithful, then that releases the faithful spouse from the marriage bond… maybe somebody needs to clarify that for me or something if I’m missing something.

    But, I see a bigger issue that needs to be addressed by the body of Christ. Why is it that we’re not holding up a standard regarding sexually purity (and faithfulness, and commitment)? I understand that nobody’s perfect, but fornication, adultery, divorce, and other sexual immorality are running rampant in the church. There’s more divorce in the church than in the world! That’s the main issue. Why aren’t young people being trained up in the church regarding a godly position on sex and marriage? Why aren’t churches teaching that “a man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing”, so that these women in the church will stop running around unequally yoking themselves with unbelievers (and vice versa), and that “marriage is honorable in all…” so that people will seek out marriage instead of fornication….
    I’ll just stop here. I’m just throwing out some things for us to think about….

  11. I believe that once that couple decided to get a devorce they legally and biblically gave up there rights as a married couple because eventhough God hates devorce He still honors the court system of man (Romans 13). So these two people are basiclly devorced/fornicators.

  12. From a relationship healing standpoint, no I don’t see it as healthy. I mean, you divorced for a reason. Therefore, move on. However, from my understanding, and I could be wrong, it doesn’t appear to be Biblically immoral since the legal document doesn’t necessarily mean you’re divorced according to God’s basis for dissolution of marriage. ….

  13. I agree with Wayne. You cant have it both ways. Just because you start feeling the need you cant just use the scripture to suit you and say in Gods eyes we still married just because you want sex

    If you want to reconcile do it right and remarry him or her. Ive seen Christian couples do so

    Just so we are clear i am referring to believers because we cant expect the world to follow Gods word

  14. These people were divorced and recognized the divorce as legal and binding. Otherwise, how on earth did they justify remarrying other people. They chose to fornicate (yes, fornicate – sex outside of marriage) because they wanted to. I agree with those who recognized that they were basically trying to have their cake and eat it to. If they had any concerns about their marital status after the divorce, they could have chosen to remarry each other. They didn’t. Sounds to me like they knew what they were doing and made a conscious choice to “play married” when it siuted their needs.

  15. Everyone is looking at this from the wrong angle. Motive and reasoning is the right way to pursue this, not wondering whether or not it is correct or not.

    Let me expound.

    The motives are really the same as anyone else who “cohabits” today. Sex and relationships are free and loose. Look around you. How many people are “together” and even have children together and are not actually married? The number is astounding! Look at how many people today engage in long term relationship after relationship.

    In essence this situation is merely the same spirit of immoral relationships today with the exception of actually walking down the aisle a couple of times.

    I say if your going to act like a heathen at least save your money and skip the expensive weddings.

    Kyle

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