Whose report will you believe?: Another eyewitness

The Lord is Good and his mercy endureth forever. Listen to my sister (in Christ) tell her real testimony of how God brought her out of homosexuality. When you finish watching, please take a moment and just give God some praise! He deserves all the glory.

Please visit Passion For Christ Movement for more inspiring testimonies. Remember, you too can break the silence!

15 thoughts on “Whose report will you believe?: Another eyewitness

  1. Thanks for the video, Jackie is such an encouragemnt! Praise God for His delivering power!!! I have a family member that’s in that lifestyle and I’m believing for total deliverance. God is faithful and mighty to save.
    Keep pressing the battle to the gate~

  2. I want to thank God for blessing this young lady for she has the courage to do a mighty thing. I think testimonies are very powerful and it helps to show that one does not have to live in that. Her testimony also shows that being gay is a CHOICE that one does not have to take. Amen.

  3. Hallelujah! The devil has no power over those who are covered with the blood of Jesus! Glory to God for the truth. And the truth is Jesus! I will be praying for this young lady.

  4. Thank you Ms. Hill, for having the courage to step-up and be a living testimony of the unending love of Christ. Like yourself I too was ‘attracted’ to women beginning, at the age of three yrs. old and have struggled with it for almost 41 years. Your testimony has given me the courage to share my testimony… And thank you Rev. Foster for hearing the voice of God which lead you to create this venue. It’s a life saver and a refuge for MANY of us who are seeking refuge from the storms of a world gone completely insane.

    Please forgive the length of this ‘comment/testimony’ you may edit or shorten it as you see fit. Thank you.

    Now on to my testimony…

    As a newborn I was placed in the custody of the state of Pennsylvania. I never was allowed any contact with my birth parents. The state then placed me in the custody of an elderly woman who herself was horribly abused and exploited both as a child by her parents and later as an adult by her husband, this however does NOT excuse her evil behavior. Which lead to her abusing ALL of the foster children who were placed in her custody including myself. While I was there she maintained an all female household excluding the youngest who was male. And later adding a second boy.

    She ruled the place with the iron-fist of fear, hate, and divisiveness, perpetually keeping everyone’s nerves on edge. To maintain ‘control’ over us and to insure our allegiance only to herself. She would play one child against the other, even the adult children whom she forced to remain with her were required to participate. The ‘tools’ she used were fear, hatred, The Bible, the rod, and the belt.

    Prevalent in this environment was a ‘veiled’ lesbianism which ‘quietly’ played it’s deranged tainted tune in the background. The abuse followed a ritualistic pattern; forcing us to strip, often making us beat one another while she watched. This would often follow hours of standing at attention before her while she questioned and ridiculed us, if she found us ‘guilty she gave the sentence of severe corporal punishment. Years later I realized this was a form of sadism. Often singling me out, she would torture me until I confessed to a ‘crime’ which I had not committed. For some inane reason she would single me out to bear brunt of her abuse. She had an unfounded fear of me which fueled her hatred… always labeling me as ‘cunning’… Even the adult females there would inflict their own perverse violence upon me. Which once lead to an act of attempted beastiality, but God quickly put a stop to that depraved act. God was quietly doing his work, He was not going to let such degrading acts be committed upon my person.

    I found hell at the house, sometimes in the church, and at school. It was unrelenting, my ears were constantly battered by screams of pain either that of my own or others. Even the household animals weren’t spared of abuse. After the sixth grade I had given up on school. I bungled my way through junior high and high school whenever I was allowed to attend, which was about half of the time which resulted in being suspended for poor attendance. They did not care about my education after the sixth grade. I was often pulled from school by that woman to perform heavy household chores for a least ten or more hours.

    Because of my so-what light complexion and nerdiness the woman running that ‘zoo’ considered me the ‘house negro’ so I was responsible for cleaning the house, raising at 05:15 am, (5 -6 hrs) six days of the week with Sundays off for church, and the other child who was the only boy was of very dark complexion was the ‘field negro’, thus making him responsible for keeping the yard, front sidewalk, and basement clean, this went on until I managed to escape. And I had not better be slow about it or I was brutally beaten with either a stick or belt, often while having a full-blown asthma attack.

    That craziness lasted 11.5 years beginning at five years of age. We were literally used as slaves in EVERY sense of the word. She even pimped us as a gospel singing group we made money for her. I now realize all of that madness was be used to give God the glory in the highest form. Because, if I could endure all of that evil craziness and yet come out on top, then there was NO doubt God is still in the healing and restoration business. However, I still had a loooonnng perilous road to travel before arriving at this realization.

    While there I was constantly told I was bad, evil, a whore… , and God did not like me. In that woman’s fragmented demented mind, being female was an abomination in God’s eyes. Thus I deserved to be raped and abused by men, especially black men. That hatred and madness eventually begin to fuel my own former mad hatred of others and self. Thus the fetid seeds of self-doubt and hatred were sown.

    However, God had a much greater and noble plan for my life. Right in the midst of that hate filled madness God was at work in my life sowing the seeds of compassion, yearning, and determination into my heart, mind, and soul. Many times when those people, often including the boy, were on the verge of beating me to death God stepped in staying their violent hands. As I now look back upon those horrible times, I can now ‘see’ the present of God’s angels who protected me from great harm.

    My awareness of God kicked in when I saw the film ‘Jesus Of Nazareth’ that was the catalyst which lead to my seeking comfort in the love of Christ. I was around nine or ten yrs old, when I gave my life to Jesus.

    I literally fell in love with Christ after seeing that film. I heart cried for Christ as He was being abused and tortured to death. I thought of my own pain andabuse endure at the hands of those responsible for my ‘care’, I silently cried during those heart-wrenching scenes. I wanted to carry the cross for Christ, I wanted to take His place upon the cross. I felt He did not deserved to die, He’s an innocent good, just, strong, and kind man. Reading the Bible, was my escape from the madness. When allowed to attend I found for the most part Sunday school and church a respite. I was realizing the Man came to this vile and violent world because He wanted to walk in my shoes. So a bond was formed between He and I. I had yet to know the full power of that bond which tied my heart to that of Christ.

    At a young age I became an avid reader, eagerly ‘gobbling up’ books such as The Holy Bible, ‘Brave New World’, ‘1984’, ‘The Black Man’, and many others. I would often forego recess just to read undisturbed by my often silly and brutal classmates. Because I was forced to wear the same used-store outfit for two consecutive days I was mercilessly teased and ridiculed by them. I was forbidden to speak to others, gradually I became painfully shy and withdrawn leading to being an awkward adult in social environments.

    I was pleasantly surprised when she finally allowed me to go to the public library once I became a teenager. However, I began to read other books without her knowedge many of them on the subject human sexuality such as ‘Our Selves, Our Bodies’, reading such books began to fuel my rebellion against God, and throwing open the doors to a dangerous ‘journey’ of sexual exploration. But that did not occur until I had escaped that woman’s household at the age of 16.5 yrs. of age.

    After which the state placed me in two different places, one a household than finally a group ‘home’ for girls. At the girls place I was raped by a male counselor, who happened to be a ‘minister’, and his male friend. That incidence ignited my hatred and distrust of young black men, which was to last 28 years. For some strange reason I did not have any trouble trusting older black men.

    Those years of abuse resulted in an intense self-hatred, I hated being black, and I hated being a women. Because I was ‘let down’ by them through different levels of abuse and abandonment. That hatred festered causing me to oppress others and myself. So, to ease my pain I’ve created a whole ‘new’ me, so I’ve imagined even attempting to live as a male… however, God had other plans

    After the girl’s group ‘home’ I struck on my own… broken relationships… Job Corps… the U.S. Naval Reserves…

    For the next 28 yrs. I ‘ping-pong’ back and forth from heterosexuality-homosexuality. I was determined to ‘fix’ my soul, mind, and body myself, instead of completely surrendering to to will of Christ. I thought if I throw out the pictures, music, stay away from the clubs, attend a holiness church, and avoid anything that was remotely related to homosexual/bisexuality that things would work out fine, so I thought. Those 28 yrs. I was ‘traveling’ I refused to look at the ‘map’ resulting in a madness of my own creation.

    Even as a child I knew my attraction to women was wrong in the sight of God. But filled with anger and despair I refused to listen. My fractured state-of-mind did not make matters any easier. Through those years I would make an ‘attempt’ at ‘changing’ my sexual orientation, while attempting to put the pieces of my life back to together. Which resulted in three failed marriages. I’ve got married thinking marriage would ‘cure’ me. And had children… thinking they would fill the empty void in my soul. But being ill-equipped to properly raise a child I decided to place them up for adoption. I was not going to subject my children to my madness. As a result of my selfish actions I’ve hurt innocent people and myself. After which I’ve turned to ‘self-help’ books and writing. I yearned for wholeness I did my own ‘thing’ in a way that was ‘comfortable’ for me. I did not want to face up to my ‘lyin-duckin-dodgin’ running, cheating, and fornicating ways. I was not ready to face God, let alone totally surrender to Him heart, body, mind, and soul. I was stiff-necked and stubborn determined to do things my way…but God had other plans.

    All though those chaotic years I could hear in my mind this verse of scripture: Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Rev. 3:20 KJV

    Each time I’ve made such an attempt at ‘being saved’ I FAILED horribly because ‘I’ was attempting to the Lord’s work of changing myself. In doing so I became harsh, critical, and judgmental towards anyone whose lifestyle did not agreed with my ‘gospel’. I became ‘holier-than-thou’ which did not last long. Who was I to judge others.

    Not realizing, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” Rom. 3:23, included me. I’ve often made the mistake of giving the members of the church ‘God status’ placing them up on a pedestal. And when I felt they’ve ‘let me down’ I was quick to walk away not only from them but also from God.

    This drove me deeper into despair… mental illness (manic/depression) several suicide attempts… and self imposed isolation from God and others…I was just plain tired of myself, God, and society… but God had other plans

    After I’ve walked away from God, I again became caught-up in the homosexual lifestyle because I’ve found ‘comfort’ in it. Then in 2004, a homosexual man took me to an ‘affirming, radical inclusive’ church. After hearing the ‘message’ from the pulpit, I deluded myself into thinking God ‘approved’ of my homosexual alternate gender lifestyle. I thought I had found my ‘utopia’ heaven on earth. Blindly ignoring the warning signs of ‘trouble in paradise’ from being verbally abused by some of the members from deacon to minister, to the deceitful lifestyles of the leadership. Something was horribly amiss in that church, God had left the building. Heck, He never showed up!

    What’s ironic even they ‘let’ me down. All through this process I could feel the ever present love of Christ’s prevailing grace and mercy. I would constantly say to Christ “I don’t have any truck with you, but as for God He could take the A-Train” along with other statements, too vile to repeat. But He continued holding on to me, despite my very vocal prostestings. It’s like a ‘parent holding onto a struggling screaming toddler whose hell-bent on touching a hot stove’… God knew had He ‘turned me lose’ I would have been forever lost, hence forever separated from His love and mercy. This struggle went on for 28 yrs. I was very reluctant to believe God loved me just as He created me to be, and not some ‘self made-up’ persona… God had other plans.

    I now realize God allowed for people and things to disappoint me, so that I could turn to Him for the level of love and support which only He can give. Once I said “Yes” to the Lord, I was set free to forgive myself and others, including those who abused me as a child.

    EVERYTHING God creates is GOOD, including black folks and myself. I am now beginning to love myself, my gender, and my race. In doing so I am well on the healing road to wholeness. And with His help taking back everything the devil stole from me.

    Now will there be those ‘rough’ days of sadness, filled with frustration, you bet… there will be ups and downs in my life. I am not perfect, however the the grace of God is.. stuff happens in life, however I no longer have to become the circumstance or situation. I am the Lord’s, “… greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.” 1 John 4:4 KJV

    Some of you may ask ” then why do some have it ‘good’ a nice childhood, raised in the wealthy household never to know the violence, despair, and sometimes poverty of a messed-up childhood. Yet others are forced to endure a life of poverty and violence” Only God has the answer to that question. However, the wealthy also experience messed-up childhoods, and abuse. Madness does not discriminate, it wrecks havoc from one end of the socio-economic strata to the opposite end.

    To those of you who feel God has ‘turned’ His back on you. You and I are ‘diamonds’ in the rough and to become that priceless sparkling diamond, we must be tried by the fires of life. As the quote goes, “The hotter the fire, stronger the steel.” no trials no testimony. Those whom God has called and chosen to do a great work often experience greater trials than others. Just as the diamond begins as a lump of coal and is then is put through intense pressure and heat to produce the end result, a priceless brilliant diamond whose radiant beauty is beyond words.

    I hope and pray that by sharing my true my testimony for the first time. It has touched those of you who are ‘broken’ and in deep despair wanting to either ‘shut down and isolate’ or end your life. Please reach out to God, family, clergy, friends, and if needed professional counseling. You’ve made the first step by visiting this site. You are NOT alone, for the battle is the Lord’s and His alone. Go claim your victory and LIVE!

    Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matt. 5:16 KJV

    Enough said, Amen

    Thank you for reading.

    Big Sadie

    The source of all biblical text used in this writing are from the following site: http://scripturetext.com/matthew/5-16.htm

  5. With God all things are possible. WE ALL ought to be a witness to this scripture, as this young woman is. Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. This young lady is on fire for God! Her testimony is another nail in the coffin for Satan’s lie. It does not matter how many homosexuals and activist try to convince the world that this is a normal and acceptable life style.

    God for the ones that will have the courage to share their testimony of deliverance openly is more than the whole world against them.

    I am praying that more and more will join the ranks of those that are not afraid to tell the story. This is our time. We are living in the final hour..

    All praise and honor belongs to God.

  7. Thank you for sharing her story Pastor DL, another video to add to my library! I’m so thankful that she found the truth at such a young age and what a blessing she surely will be to others who know her.

    I can only imagine her mother’s joy at seeing her daughter claim her femininity.

    Thanks for sharing your story too Sadie!

  8. I’ve just purchase your book “Touching A Dead Man” I can’t wait to read it. I won’t stop until I’ve read the entire book. Thank you for sharing your journey from youth through your completely surrendering to the will of the Lord.

    I just cleared my computer of a certain ‘pastor’s’ photos and will soon be throwing out all of their tapes. The junk that’s on them would make you cringe.

    And a warm “Thank you.” to all of you who’ve posted your encouragements. God bless and keep all of you strong in His spirit and love.

    Big Sadie

  9. Her maturity at such a young and tender age is very wonderful to see and hear. I am so glad she was delivered at a young age. I ask God to continue to bless and keep her.


  11. Thank you everyone for you prayers and words of encouragment!!!
    I was just browsing thru this website and was shocked to see my face when I clicked on the link! lol But I thank God b/c He is truly expanding my territory and showing people His delivering power!!!
    Nothing is too hard for Jesus Christ…someone may be struggling with deliverence issues from past sexual partners, verbal/domestic abuse, etc! God is not miles away…He is right where u are…just trust Him because He is who He say He is!!! A Healer!

    If anyone wants to contact me with questions or you may have someone struggling with homosexuality, contact me at jacquelynhill07@yahoo.com

    God Bless you All!!!

  12. Jackie again thank you for speaking with such honesty about what God has done for you. There was an anointing coming through that touched each heart. Dont stop living for HIM and dont stop telling of his goodness.

  13. Thank You Pastor Foster! Thank you for your testimony as well and bless God for your deliverence b/c their are millions of men that need to see what God can do for them as well! God Bless you!

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